someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
id be glad to
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
