I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
