we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
