remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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