Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
