I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
