don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
