My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
