I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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