my sisters under your porch take her home
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
