Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
