Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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