Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
