MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
