His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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