She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
