Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
