Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
