She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
