the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
