I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
