Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We need a shit load of segways right now
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
