Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
