the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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