my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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