The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
