I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
