What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
