haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
