My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
