Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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