plz talk dirty to me
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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