So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
