I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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