You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
