You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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