Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
