What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
