Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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