his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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