if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
