I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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