I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
