You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
