She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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