How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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