Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
