Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
