i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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