you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
